Daily Laughter for Life

A 60-year old man went to his doctor to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a bottle and said, "Take this bottle home and give me back a sample tomorrow."

On next day, the 60-year old man came back to doctor's office and gives him the bottle, which is as clean and empty.

The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, first I tried with my right hand, but nothing happened. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand - nothing. Then with her left, still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."
The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOR?"

The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get that bottle open!"

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
In a huff, the woman slammed her face into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong."
The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said: "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said.
"I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said.
"Here, let me hold your monkey."